Originally published at The Gentle News. Please leave any comments there.

My template is going to be a bit weird, and I’m sure it will change. Feedback is welcome. Here’s the gist: I like to cook. I can usually come up with something edible without much notice. With a trip to the store and a couple of bucks, there’s a 90% chance that I can put together a delicious feast for several. Tooting my own horn, yes. But it’s science, so I’ll always win. Except for maybe 10% of the time.

I’ll post a receipt, some general info about what I cooked and how, and then something resembling a recipe that you might use to attempt the dish yourself.

Steak, cheap.

Dish: Beef Tenderloin with Grilled Broccoli, Pan Fried Garlic & Eggplant, and hummus.

Grocery Store Damage: $19.28

Bought and Didn’t Use: Basil. Trust me, it won’t go to waste.

What Was Missing: Garlic on the steak. I cooked this on the Foreman, since my propane grill is currently overseas. Since the Foreman gets rid of a shitload of juice/fat/flavor, it could have used a little kick. It’s been a while. I miss my grill.

Why This Was An Adventure: This was the first time I’ve ever really attempted to use eggplant. I bought some once a few years ago, but chickened out. With some roasted garlic, it was tasty as hell.

Better Name For Dish: You tell me. I don’t have a photo of this one, but I intend to have them for subsequent meals. Hopefully my resident photographer will lend a hand there.

Meal Price, Adjusted: Less than $8 per head.

Brian May Says: “Call it simplistic, but if this inaugural dish were the Big Bang, the Universe would be far more delicious!”

“Recipe”: Soaked some beef tenderloins in yogurt, salt, Lee & Perrin (just a drop), pepper, and cumin. Dusted some broccoli with salt, pepper & thyme. Fried some fresh garlic in olive oil, then pan-fried some salted eggplant in that same oil. Grilled the broccoli for about two minutes, then place it on top of the eggplant and covered the pan, decreasing heat to low. Grilled tenderloins for about two minutes on each side. Arranged on plate around a dollop of store-bought (Sabra) hummus.

Wish I had a picture. The broccoli was greener than I’d ever served, and I actually ate all that I served myself. That’s a first when it comes to veggies. The eggplant tasted more or less like slightly exotic garlic mashed potatoes.

Originally published at The Gentle News. Please leave any comments there.

We’ve decided to pay more attention to what we eat. B is treating it as sort of one part in an ordered series of healthy lifestyle changes. I’m treating it as a single megaton of Smart in my 4 megaton Get-Your-Ass-In-Shape Bomb.

I dreamed up this almost-healthy soup on the way home today. I ended up really liking it and eating it too fast. If I do something similar again, I’ll need to remember to somehow make it less spicy for wimpves, which unfortunately means I’ll probably have to get rid of the jalapeños altogether.

Without further ado, my “recipe” for Avocado/Tomato/Onion Dynamite Soup:

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at The Gentle News. Please leave any comments there.

New Dish: Racial Slur

Originally uploaded by farrisgoldstein.

In 5 seconds flat I went from “Hmmm, nobody to feed but myself, what kind of junk should I scarf?” to “Alright, let’s do something REALLY stupid!”

The result, which you see above, was defrigginlicious. I guess the best, concise description I can give it is “pan-fried noodles with shrimp, avocado, and, uhhh… other shit.” I wanted to give it a name that would offend the various ethnicities that inspired the dish just as much as the ingredients are sure to do. However, “Spicslope Nigger Pie” just doesn’t sound appetizing, so I settled on “Racial Slur.”

Without further ado, the recipe:

In a large skillet over medium heat, throw a few slashes of olive oil and a half-tablespoon of peanut butter (trut me on this), and another half-tablespoon (or more) of sesame oil and stir slowly until simmering. Add some garlic, minced. How much? I can’t answer that. I used a shitload, because I love it. Just before the garlic begins to brown, add some peeled shrimp. Just as the shrimp begin to turn pink add some fresh ground pepper, a tiny bit of kosher salt, and the juice of one lime wedge.

About this time, drop a package of ramen (i used chicken-flavor) in boiling water. Leave it in just long enough to blanch it and barely break it apart, then remove it, strain it, and add it to the other pan. Quickly toss to coat the noodles in oil. Add the ramen seasoning, another few grinds of pepper and a few pinches of ground chipotle.

Toss the noodle mass to one side of the pan and add a whole egg to the empty side. Scramble lightly, and scrape the pan gently until the egg is not quite cooked to medium. Turn off the heat.
Transfer everything to your plate. Sprinkle with cashews and crushed red pepper. Top with one avocado, cubed. Garnish with wedges of lime. Serve.

At this point, I tasted the dish and it was great, but after lightly salting the avocados and squeezing another wedge or two of lime on them, it was absolutely perfect. Like eating an orgasm.

I’d apologize for the heretical fusion of mismatched cuisines… If, you know… I gave a shit.

Originally published at The Gentle News. Please leave any comments there.

I’ve been messing with Cashets.com a bit with The Rev. Results will be shared later.

I’ve also come up with a half-ass attempt at documenting the chili I cooked last night. More about that later. Here’s the “recipe” I came up with.

Farris?s Green-and-Red-Makes-Brown Chili

2 to 5 pounds of cubed or chopped beef
olive oil
Salt, black pepper, lemon pepper, garlic powder, chili powder, ground cayenne pepper, ground paprika, dried chipotle, ground cumin, brown sugar (a pinch of each)
2 bunches of green onions, finely chopped
2 red peppers, finely chopped
2 green peppers, finely chopped
2 yellow peppers, finely chopped
1 green bell pepper, coarsely chopped
1 yellow bell pepper, coarsely chopped
A pinch of garlic powder
A @#%!-load of cilantro, half of it finely chopped
Several leaves of fresh basil
4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 cloves of garlic, roasted
1 pinch of garlic powder
Any other garlic you might find hidden in your refrigerator
2 small cans tomato sauce
1 can beef broth
3 or 4 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce
A small handful of cornstarch
Grated assortment of cheeses
A bit more garlic powder
Anything else you might think sounds cool along the way.

Heat oil to medium in large pot. Add minced and chopped garlic to oil. Liquefy half the veggies in blender, saut? other half in oil. Add meat, spices, and remaining garlic. Allow meat to half-brown. Pour in liquid ingredients, including liquefied veggies. Cover and reduce heat to low. Allow to simmer 4 to 6 years for full flavor. 4 to 6 hours will do in a pinch. Thicken with cornstarch. Top with cheese.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten something, but that’s a lot of shit.